Every Selection Sunday, I am on the College GameDay desk during the Bracketology selection show as the NCAA tournament bracket is revealed on CBS. And, every year, our fearless producers demand that all of us bloviating hoopheads provide our picks for each game and the Final Four. That process, which is to take into account matchups, game times, locations and all other factors, allows only five minutes so we can get it on the air as quickly as possible.
As my cigar-smoking bosses, cocktails in hand, demand my immediate observations for the 68-team bracket, I quickly scratch out my picks on a hand-drawn bracket that looks like a 6-year old child created it, asking for more time like a death row inmate trying to choke down his last meal. The response from the suits is a resounding middle finger to my pleas, not caring a whit about the potential ridicule I face on social media should one of my selections be rushed. Provide your picks, lock them in and cash your check.
Well, these are my picks after having one hour to actually think. In this prescient guide to winning your office pool, beating your buddies in your bracket challenge and collecting big cash, I am selflessly giving you every-upset-possibility-and-take-it-to-the-bank lock in this year's bracket. Use my selections to bolster your bracket and enjoy living on easy street.
Let's get a few facts straight on the NCAA tournament. The idea that "anybody can win" is nice, but it is not really true. Consider these first-round numbers (since 1985, when the bracket expanded to 64 teams):
No. 1 seeds are 143-1 vs. No. 16 seeds. No. 2 seeds are 135-9 vs. No. 15 seeds. No. 3 seeds are 122-22 vs. No. 14 seeds. That means No. 1, 2 and 3 seeds are 400-32 in the first round.
Of the past 21 national championships, 20 were won by No. 1, No. 2 or No. 3 seeds. Top-three seeds have won 32 of 36 NCAA titles.
All of the bubble talk and who is in or out is over. None of it mattered anyway. No team was in or out until the committee said so. So here you have it, the "More than Five Minutes" Bracket. You may now take these picks and pick up your winnings. You're welcome.